Bill Goes To the Drug Store

Needed to get some insoles for my shoes. Never needed them before but as I get older and my feet hurt more than ever, the insoles are nice to have.

The reason I needed new ones is because our stupid dog, like most dogs, feels the need to put everything in it’s mouth and chew on it hopting that it’s food. The insoles were half gone by the time that block-head realized they were not food after all. Why did it take so long? One bite, or even just a sniff should have been all you needed to know. Anyway, all that was left were the tattered remains and the mutt moving on to the next thing to destroy. 

So while I was coming out of the bank I saw one of those big chain drug stores. Starts with a C and ends with an S. I haven’t been in a drug store in many years. I do go to a pharmacy to get our prescriptions but not a drug store like this one. Can’t even remember the last time I was in one. 

I remember them selling pipe tobacco and thought I’ll stop in and get some insoles and pick me up some Captain Black. It crossed my mind that they might not carry any tobacco anymore, but figured it was worth a shot. 

When I went in there it wasn’t what I expected at all. First of all it looked like a clean version of the Dollar Store with slightly better, but less stuff. There were all kinds of things everywhere. They had the usual Pharmacy section with asprins, foot powder and toothpaste next to it. A lot of reading glasses. An aisle of hair coloring products and women’s makeup. Other than that the items they had were all over the map. 

There was a section that had gift cards. Must have been 200 different kinds. Pizza places, iTunes music, Lobster resturant, and a hunting store. You name it they had a card for it. 

No Tobacco For You

There was no tobacco section in the store. No Corn Cob pipes, pouches of tobacco or Dr. Grabow pipes. Nothing. You used to be able to get the big containers of tobacco. The one pounders. Now there’s nothing but 40 miles of “beauty” products and Tide Pods in case the teenagers get hungry. 

Another thing I noticed is they got rid of is the Tube Tester. The TV we have now is one of those flat kind so it doesn’t have any tubes in it, but the radio still does. Where can you go to test a tube if you think it’s bad? If you go to an electronics place they will just try to sell me somehting new. Even if you got out of there with just the tube you needed it would cost you and arm and a leg. The drug store always had the best prices. Now you can’t even go there. 

Throw in A Little Candy For the Ride Home

I got my insoles and a bag of M & Ms. Their candy section is huge. Checked out with only those two things and the girl hands me a reciept that was longer than my arm. She must have to change that roll of paper every ten customers. What the [expletive deleted]? Why is that even necessary?

I couldn’t read what all was on the reciept because I didn’t have my reading glasses, but I figured finding what I actually bought would be difficult. It was so much better when stores had that metal thing on the counter and they would just write down what you bought. Shoe Pads, Candy. Add up the total and use the pen to push the reciept out the top of the device. The back copy they saved for themselves. Quick and easy. That’s back when people could actually do math without having to use a calculator, and the store’s inventory wasn’t managed by some all-knowing computer robot. 

I’ll never go back in there. Why would I? No tobacco. Everything in there I can get at the Dollar Store much cheaper and they don’t have to rip up half the forest to give me a reciept. Not that I’m a tree hugger, but even I can’t believe the waste. 

The Network

This is going to be put out on Friday so it might be OK to talk about the new Pipe and Cigar network, but I better not. It might go out before the Matches show and I don’t want to steal his thunder. If you you are reading this before Friday evening, watch his show to get all the details. I’m going to try to be there myself since Phil can’t make it, but I can’t promise. I’m hoping to see what people’s reactions are going to be. 

Probably going to be a lot of buzz about my new column in the magazine we are going to put out every week. My column now gets the most readers so it’s only natural that people are clammoring for more. I can only do so much folks. Sorry.

Next week I’ll be able to tell you a lot more. 

Bill


Bill is the acting Briar Report Chief of Staff,

He takes comments and answers questions at editor@briarreport.com

Follow him on Twitter @StogieReport